Parenting is an art- Indian Parenting- Part I

Parenting per se seems to be a usual task as we normally do other routines in our life. It is not so?? I believe that parenting is the university in itself. Grooming someone to become a responsible citizen in life cannot happen by chance. It has to be designed SMART meaning thereby ( S) with a specific purpose in mind, (M) measurable goals (what he or she is going to attain as per his/her capabilities and calibre), (A), attainable objectives (how she or he is going to achieve those objectives in a given time frame), (R) relevant to one’s likes (it is NOT the parent's choice to make him/her so and so, but it is his/her liking to become so and so.) and (T) time bound. This becomes the responsibility of the parents to design the path of life of the child together rather than imposing one's whims and wishes onto the child. Unfortunately neither parents nor schools are able to design the path of development of the child resulting in chaos and confusion.

Especially in Indian traditions where joint families still exist, a child grows amidst care and concern of the senior members of the family. The senior members of the family observe the growth of child very affectionately with emotional enrichment of relations, whether it is mother-child or father-child or mother-father. Thus a presence of a grand father or a grand mother makes a great difference in cultivating the much needed values of life. 

This is an important factor in determining how the child deals with the people outside the family. The Indian parenting style builds the mutual respect and trust for other people, their values and customs. Indian parents believe strongly that their child is part of a family and a community and that it is of prime importance that the child realizes that every decision she makes and every action she takes has consequences for the entire family and community. 

The world of parenting has changed in urban India to a large extent because of economic constraints and life-style management. This has great impact on nurturing values. In order that child grows up with results, parents put pressure on every aspect of child’s life. They expectations are often guided by fanatics of physical targets; those may not be true to capabilities of the child. As a result the child stays dependent on his parents for almost a quarter of his life. From the kind of clothes kids wear to the stream they choose in school or college, everything is decided by their parents. And this does not simply end here. The selection of the college, course, city of work and even the spouse hugely depends on their parents’ decisions, if not entirely, to a great extent. This ultimately creates lot of anxious moments for the child in his life. The child is groomed in wrong direction. The situation is changing in cities now as people started realising the negative aspects of poor parenting.

It is important to realise that roots of Indian culture still vibrates in its families and social-cultural values. Children must remain in emotional touch of grand parents and other members of the family. There is an eminent need of training young parents on parenting style. Inculcating values can only happen through responsible parents. Values are the much needed asset today. Lack of values means misdirected growth. Unfortunately the seats of learning like schools and colleges do not inculcate values by design. What they really develop is a matter of research. In such cases, parents need to be a lot vigilant, observant and cautious about their wards.

The five most important values that will impact the larger part of life of the child are.

1.     Making the child own his/her actions

2.     Developing an attitude of inquiry.

3.     Make him/her learn “the gratitude of getting”.

4.     Teach the child “the value of money”.
5.     Developing an attitude of "learning to learn".

We will discuss this in more detail with episodes that how a good parenting requires to design a parenting guide for your own family.