कुछ कविताएँ और विचार

मायने जिंदगी के

आज़ मन बडा उदास है,

खुशियाँ कोसों दूर तक नजर नहीं आती;

क्योंकि अरसे बाद हमारी मुलाकात, हमसे ही हो गई।

मुद्दत हुई, जब हम, हमसे मिले थे,

गिले शिकवे बहुत थे, पर हम खामोश थे।

कहते भी क्या, जो कहना था,

उसके शब्द हमारे पास नहीं थे।

हम जो होते हैं, वो दिखते नहीं हैं;

और जो दिखने की कोशिश करते हैं,

वो हम होते नहीं है।

हम वो करते हैं, जो दूसरों को अच्छा लगे।

वो कहते हैं, जिससे दूसरों की दाद मिले।

हमने कहा हमसे, आज़ तो अंदर से बाहर निकल,

आ आज तो खुद से मिल;

आज तो कोशिश कर जिंदगी जीने की,

गिलों को पीने की और फ़टे जज़्बातों को सीने की;

खडा कर खुद को आइने के सामने, पूछ अपने हाल;

मुस्कुराकर गले मिल अपने आपसे,

माफ़ कर अपने आप को,

साफ कर मन के पाप को,

जिंदगी के मायने समझे जाते हैं तभी से,

जब खुद की मुलाकातें होती हैं ख़ुदी से।

मैं भारतीय हूँ

क्यों जरूरत है आज यह सोचने की, कि इतनी समृद्ध संस्कृति की धरोहर होने के बावज़ूद, हम अपने आप के भारतीय होने पर गर्व महसूस नहीं करते। अवसरवादिता, चाटुकारिता, भाईभतीजावाद, और स्वार्थसिद्धि की सारी सीमाएँ लाँघने के बाद भी आज हम खींसे निपोरे क्यों खडे है?? इसी नपुंसकवादी सोच पर चोट करती एक कविता।

मैं भारत का वोटर हूँ, मुझे लड्डू दोनों हाथ चाहिये।

कायरता की डोर हाथ में, पर सुरक्षित हिन्दुस्तान चाहिए।

बिजली मैं बचाऊँगा नहीं, बिजली बिल मुझे कम चाहिये,।

पेड़ मैं लगाऊँगा नहीं, मौसम मुझको नम चाहिये,।

शिकायत मैं करूँगा नहीं, सफाई, सडक दम मस्त चाहिये।

लेन-देन मैं करूँ न कम, पर भ्रष्टाचार का अंत चाहिये।

पढ़ने की मेहनत करी नहीं जाती, नौकरी लालीपॉप चाहिये,।

घर के बाहर से मतलब नहीं, पर शहर मुझको झक-साफ चाहिये।

काम करूँ न धेले भर का, वेतन लल्लनटॉप चाहिये।

नेता एक कुछ बोल गया, सो मुफ्त में पंद्रह लाख चाहिये,।

लाचारों से लाभ उठाऊँ, फिर भी ऊँची साख चाहिये।

लोन मिले बस बिल्कुल सस्ता, बचत पर ब्याज चढ़ा चाहिये,।

धर्म के नाम पे देश बाँट दूं, पर देश मुझको धर्मनिरपेक्ष चाहिये।

जात आगे मेरी ही बढ़े, पर देश तो बस सेक्यूलर ही चाहिये।

नेता मेरी ही जात का हो,पर देश तो आगे बढ़ा चाहिये।।

स्वार्थसिद्ध हो तो देश बेंच दूं, दूज़े के लिए आदर्श चाहिए।

मैं भारत का वोटर हूँ , मुझे लड्डू दोनों हाथ चाहिये।'

ये कटाक्ष है, आज वक़्त आ गया है एक विचार क्रांति का। एक समग्र विचार क्रांति, जो भारतीयता और भारतीय होने पर गर्व का अहसास दे। अब वक्त आ गया है कुछ करने का, जिससे हिन्दुस्तानी होने पर हमें गर्व हो।

छोटी सोच का असर- एक विचार

छोटी और स्वार्थगत सोच केवल नीचे जाने का रास्ता बताती है । व्यक्ति अधोगामी हो जाता है। अपने लिए ही रात-दिन सोचता है, किससे नोचूँ, किसका खाऊँ; कहाँ बोऊँ, क्या पाऊँ; बस इसी उधेडबुन में उसकी जिंदगी व्यतीत हो जाती है और अंतोगत्वा हाथ सिवा दुःख के कुछ नहीं लगता।

व्यापक सोच ही परिपक्वता की निशानी है । सोच बडी रखने से भटकने की गुँजाइशें खत्म हो जाती हैं।व्यक्ति अपने उद्दश्यों के प्रति सचेत रहता है। नित उद्देश्यपरक कर्मों में भागीदारी करते हुए निहितार्थ को प्राप्त करता हुआ याज्जीवन सुखी रहता है।

छोटी छोटी बातें- विचार योग्य बात

अगर रिश्तों की अहमियत, गर्मी और वज़ूद बनाये रखना है तो उसके लिए मंहगे गिफ्ट्स या तारे तोडकर लाने की जरूरत नहीं है। छोटी छोटी बातों से रिश्ते संवर जाते हैं। दो मीठे बोल ही इसके लिए काफ़ी हैं। I am sorry, I love you, I care for you, I missed you, न जाने कितने छोटे छोटे वाक्य होंगे जो हमारे रिश्तों को बना सकते है। Care, concern और trust जिस तरह से express किया जायेगा, रिश्ते भी उसी दिशा में जायेंगे।

नववर्ष पर 
 जो गुज़र गया, सो बिसर गया;
पर जाते जाते सिखा गया,
जीवन की परिभाषा में, कुछ जोड़ गया, कुछ तोड़ गया;
शब्दों के आरोहण में, जीवन की नैया बहती है,
शुद्ध विचार हों, सुंदर मन हो, भला, भला ही होता है,
ये वक़्त का मौज़ा दिखा गया;
जो गुज़र गया, सो बिसर गया, पर जाते जाते सिखा गया.

Being emotional is healthy??

Are you emotional? or
Are you emotionally healthy?
Having emotions and feelings are quite natural. There can be arguments of whether feelings are emotions or emotions have separate entity, but both aggravate the internal mechanism of the body and create modified mental and physical conditions. What I am refereeing here is emotions carried forward in day-to-day life in such a way that they becomes habit. e.g. anger, agitation, grudges or even happiness are the carried forward feelings and emotions and have become a habit. And if negatively poised, always remaining sad and sulky, you are "labelled as an emotional guy".
Read the article
https://pvbhopal.blogspot.in/2015/10/anger-anger-come-again.html
Being emotional means having deep seated feelings those became habits and those can be easily excited or triggered by a trivial action. I get suddenly angry, if things are not happening my way. So, getting angry has become a habit and any trivial action like rejection, poor attention or insult can aggravate it. Being emotionally sensitive is necessary element of life but becoming oversensitive make things worse.

1. What does it mean to be emotionally oversensitive?

Emotional outburst with little provocation is the indicator of being emotionally over- sensitive. If you are highly emotional, outburst into tears is a common phenomenon of your life. You get charged up with words and have absolutely no control on your emotional reactions. You get upset, irritated, angered, agitated and anxious thousand times in a day and remain clueless as what goes wrong? You are emotionally over sensitive. You can flare-up in flames in a moment and the next moment you become euphoric. Getting thrilled by a small thing and getting shot by small hick-up. Oversensitive people are highly apprehensive and always have a unknown fear dominent.
Read the article
https://pvbhopal.blogspot.in/2015/06/stress-grown-menace-instilling-wisdom.html
2. Do you recognise your sensitivity?
It is important to learn about one's own emotional sensitivity. Our state of sensitivity can be gauged by others easily because we hardly get any clues about it. Other can know and judge easily that I am over-sensitive, less-sensitive or moderately sensitive because of my reactions, reflections and judgements. It is a common place that we judge people before we hardly could have known him/her. Over sensitive people have no control on flow of their thoughts and they become less predictable and more apprehensive. Less-sensitive people may be of two types; one who sensed everything but avoid reflections and another who is really careless and unconcerned. Former type may be emotionally healthy person but the later types are hard-hearted people. Being emotionally over-sensitive or less sensitive (former type) is getting more than diseased. One can not realise in terms of loss till everything is lost and then it is too late. Emotional people exercise less self-control and put pressure on controlling others through their emotional moves. One has to identify "what triggers emotional outburst"? You has to look to your life vocabulary, your body language and facial expressions because they do tell a lot about your emotions. Negatively charged words do much harm as they are the source of negative thoughts.
Read the article
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/are-you-a-highly-sensitive-person/
3. Who is emotionally healthy and who is not?
We have seen that emotionally over-sensitive people are certainly NOT emotionally healthy. Then who is emotionally healthy person? Is controlling emotions, trigger harmful chemicals in the body? Emotionally healthy persons are always cheerful, energetic and have great passion to survive in all odds.  It can be understood that they have power of resilience, high level of commitment and modesty demonstrated of & on in their day-to-day life. How can we differentiate between an emotional person and an emotionally healthy person. Let me give some typical symptoms differentiating the two.

Symptoms	An emotional person	An emotionally healthy person
Reaction to anger	Agitated	Observant
Reaction to argument	Fight to die	Complacent
Reaction to untimely demand	Aggression	Cool denial
Reaction to panic situation	Impulsive	Composed
Reaction to get something	Egoist	Passionate
Reaction to an unfriendly situation	Apprehensive	Calculative
Reaction to grief situation	Outburst	Concerned
Reaction to bullying	Crossfire	Firm denial
Reaction to help sought by a known person	Doubtful	Forthcoming
Reaction to help sought by an unknown person	Flat denial	Empathetic
Reaction to taking risk for career	Overcautious	Risk taking

It can be concluded that remaining over-sensitive or highly emotionally charged is no good for the health. One tend to pay a very heavy cost for being emotionally unhealthy at the end. It invites disease state in the body, we become diseased over a period of time.
Turning an emotional person into an emotionally healthy person requires a plan of action for correction, modification and sustenance. And more importantly, it requires lot of time, patience and strong will to change.
4. How can someone become an emotionally healthy person?
It is NOT impossible but a little tedious task to bring about that change. Most of the habits we follow are genetically coded in us and there is a natural resistance within the internal mechanism to accept any change. Suppose I have been born to parents who are short tempered, angered and agitated in nature then these traits are genetically transferred in me. Therefore for making a stable change in my emotional health, lot of internal cleansing is desired.

• Take a decision

This is the first step to bring any sizeable change in one's life. You can become an emotionally healthy person provided you have taken a decision to change yourself. Now, you and ONLY YOU are responsible to bring about that change in you. Taking a decision makes me assertive and forward oriented. Remind yourself again and again that you have taken a decision to become emotionally healthy and remind constantly that you are the owner of that decision. Make it your screen saver or wallpaper with bold "I am emotionally healthy".

• Observe the internal mechanism

Learning from the past is most important. Review your conversations, actions, reactions, reflections those have brought about serious heartburn or created rift and rigour. Identify the trigger points those make you angered, agitated or apprehensive. Try to figure out, "how many times, you were the first to react?" Observe your life vocabullary. Generally negatively poised words which are part of our life vocabullary become the source of our emotional wreckage. Find out the disempowering metaphor that misguides your life.  Suppose you own a "Critical" metaphor, then whatever you will see, you will see it through the critical metaphor. And your reactions, reflections, feedback, feelings and opinion  will echo critique. Choose an empowering metaphor. Choosing the empowering metaphor will initiate you "NOT to react negatively". Identify the stress buttons, those put you in jitter. This exercise provides the sources of breakdowns in the form of negatively poised vocabulary, disempowering metaphor and stress buttons.

• Make a plan for correction and implement with full rigour

Make a plan that you believe, is workable. Maintain a diary and log of modification of life vocabulary. You need to transform the life vocabulary, thus bringing positivity in communication.  This is a slow and steady process. You need consistency, commitment and self-motivation. Using the modified words help in developing the empowering metaphor. This also helps to establish and modify the internal communication. Keep an eye on the changes that takes place. Ask your friends, close relation and family members to keep a watch on your modified vocabulary. Any positive signal will be a great morale booster for you. Measure the outcome in a defined period of time. Set a target and modify the plan for correction as you achieve the target.

Transforming the life vocabulary

Transforming the life vocabulary

Your life vocabulary is the selection of words you normally choose to express in day-to-day

conversation or even thinking. Each thought coming to your mind or each word spoken by you reverberates in the system and produce electrical impulses through the neurotransmitters. Each electrical impulse affects some specific part of nervous and lymphatic system of our body through the brain. Your brain receives and processes more than one million such signals per second, which sends different responses to different internal systems and subsystems of the body. A as a result of effect of electrical impulses several thousand chemicals are produced in the system. Each chemical has its own effect on the body metabolism and immune system. Your physical, mental and emotional life is guided by the vocabulary you choose to converse or think. Each word chosen by you has deep impact on your emotions, thoughts and actions.  The words you choose to communicate are the indicators of your internal representations and that is how you experience the words spoken by others. Words can injure our egos or inflame our hearts- we can instantly change any emotional experience simply by choosing new words. This is known as transformation of life vocabulary. If you fail to master the life vocabulary and the words, their selection is then guided by subconscious habit, thus making a habit of using negatively poised words. Modification of life vocabulary is possible through transforming the vocabulary by intentionally choosing the positive words instead of negatively poised words. This also helps in changing the life metaphor. Using emotionally charged transformed vocabulary can metamorphose your own internal state as well as the state around you.

TRANSFORMATION OF VOCABULARY

Negatively poised sentence	Transformed Sentence
•      I feel disgusted as everything here stinks.	•      I will be surprised if everything starts changing here.
•       Trust in the governance is getting lost day-by-day.	•       We have to search indicators of improvements in the governance.
•       Families are disintegrating fast.	•       Families live very differently today.
•       Why others should get it, if they do not deserve.	•       One who deserves, definitely gets the return at one point of time.
•       I am too lonely to fight in this world of anarchy.	•       You have to find similar minded people to makes changes in this world.
•       I fear when i go out.	•       One must remain concerned about safety when you go out.
•       I hate to be here.	•       I prefer a constructive change here.
•       I am seriously disappointed by your actions.	•       Your actions are bit underwhelming.
•       I am too confused to decide anything.	•       I remain curious while taking decision.
•       I feel too depressed now a days.	•       I feel on a road to a  turn-around.
•       The humiliation was too painful for me.	•       Your actions were utter surprise to me.
•       Frustration has taken everything from our youths.	•       Our youths are fascinated about fast changes in their lives.
•       I feel irritated when i talk to someone.	•       I feel challenged when i talk to someone.
•       I am exhausted in convincing you.	•       I need recharging to convince you.
•       Oh!!!Shit…things are getting worse.	•       Oh…god!!! I expect some miracle now.

चेतना का रहस्य और कुम्भ

चेतना शब्द से अभिप्राय यह है कि हम अपने आसपास के बारे में, अपने बारे में कितने चैतन्य, जागरूक हैं, विचारशील हैं। आजकल चेतना यानि consciousness पर दुनिया भर के शोध केन्द्रित हैं। कोई इसे quantam physics में ढूँढता है, कोई energy में, कोई तंत्र में और कोई मंत्र में ढूँढता है। चेतना को सहज बुद्धि से ही समझा जा सकता है, उसे विज्ञान की परिभाषाओं में समेटा नहीं जा सकता। मन, विचार और आंतरिक संस्थान ही चेतना के वाहक हैं। आंतरिक शक्ति का प्रमाण व्यक्ति के विचारों, ओज़, तेज़ और भाषा में प्रतिलक्षित होता है। चेतना के स्वरूप का एक छोटा सा उदाहरण biofeedback के रूप में देखा जा सकता है। biofeedback में व्यक्ति अपनी समग्र चेतना को आदेशित करता है और चाही गयी स्थिति को प्राप्त करने के लिए उसे प्रेरित करता है। पूर्ण मनोयोग से किए गए प्रयासों से उस स्थिति को प्राप्त भी किया जा सकता है। ऐसे सैकड़ो उदाहरण हमारे सामने मौजूद हैं जिन्हे हम अक्सर exception कहकर इतिश्री कर लेते हैं। मानवी काया अतींद्रिय शक्ति का भंडार है, उसका बहुत छोटा सा हिस्सा ही हमारी दैनंदनी के संचालन में उपयोग मे आता है जो हमें sex के उपभोग या जीवनयापन के लिए कोशिशों में लगा दिख पड़ता है।

अतींद्रिय शक्तियों के उपार्जन के लिए अथक प्रयास करना पड़ता है, धैर्य और क्रमबद्धता का समावेश करके मन और विचार संस्थानों को एक-एक करके उद्दीपित किया जाता है। जिससे शरीर के अन्तः संस्थान में प्रमुख हमारी emotional body यानि भाव शरीर अधोगामी अवस्था को छोड़कर ऊर्ध्व गामी स्थिति को प्राप्त कर लेता है। जिसका सीधा प्रभाव व्यक्ति के ओज़, तेज़ और जीवन के मूल्यों मे दिखाई पड़ने लगता है। वह स्वार्थ और शरीर की भूख से ऊपर उठकर स्नेह, श्रद्धा, प्रेम, आस्था और आनंद की अनुभूति  करने लगता है।

इसका सीधा सा उदाहरण अभी हाल ही में सम्पन्न हुए कुम्भ में आए हुए करोड़ो लोगो की श्रद्धा और भक्ति में देखा जा सकता है। 21 अप्रैल से 21 मई 2016 तक चले इस कुम्भ मेले में देश-विदेश से पाँच करोड़ से भी ज्यादा लोगों ने उज्जैन नगरी की पवित्र क्षिप्रा में स्नान किया। आस्था, श्रद्धा, भक्ति, प्रेम, विश्वास, आनंद, उल्लास और शांति का इतना बड़ा समागम शायद ही विश्व में कहीं होता होगा। 45 से 47 डिग्री तापमान में, जहां कूलर और एसी छोड़कर जाने को मन न हो वहाँ इतनी बड़ी तादाद मे इतने लोगों का सम्मलित होना निश्चय ही आश्चर्यजनक है। ये उस भाव शरीर की सक्षमता का प्रमाण है कि यदि भाव शरीर अधोगामी स्थिति को छोड़कर उर्ध्व्गामी स्थिति में आ जाए तो असंभव भी संभव हो जाते हैं। विज्ञान यहीं पर मार खा जाता है। विज्ञान की कसौटी पर इतनी भीड़ केवल बीमारियों और दुर्घटनाओं को जन्म देगी, वो आस्था, श्रद्धा, भक्ति, प्रेम, विश्वास, आनंद, उल्लास और शांति की बात सोच ही नहीं सकता।

चेतना का रहस्य भी इसी में समाहित है। चेतना के विकास के लिए आस्था, श्रद्धा, भक्ति, प्रेम, विश्वास, आनंद, उल्लास आदि उस जमीन का काम करते हैं , जिसमे उत्तम प्रकार की फसल ली जा सकती है। शरीर को साधने का मतलब है कि मानसिक शरीर और भाव शरीर को पुष्ट किया जाए। ये बात भी विज्ञान की समझ के परे है।
कुम्भ जैसे समागम में बड़े बड़े योगी साधक सामान्य जन को शिक्षित करने के उद्देश्य से अपना समय देते आए हैं। योग और योगाभ्यास से होने वाले लाभों के बारे में जन सामान्य को जानकारी देना,  उन्हे शिक्षित करना और उनके  जीवन को भक्तिमय बनाना, इन साधकों का  मूल उद्देश्य होता है। इसी से चेतना का विस्तार होता है और इस दौरान पूरे क्षेत्र में एक positive ऊर्जा कि अनुभूति की जा सकती है।

अब मैं बड़ा हो गया हूँ..... एक कविता

एक कविता

अब मैं बड़ा हो गया हूँ;

मुझको लगता है, मैं बड़ा हो गया हूँ,
उम्र के साथ साथ, उम्रदराज हो गया हूँ;
चूंकि ढल गयी है उम्र शायद, इसीलिए,
सुफेद झुरमुटों से झाँकती चाँदनी
कहती है कि मैं बड़ा हो गया हूँ।


जब मैं छोटा था, नादान था,
जो भी होता था मन में, कह देता था;
फूलों को देखकर मन आनंदित होता था,
तितली न पकड़ आने पर रोना आता था;
पेड़ों पर लगे अमरूद चोरी करके
भागने का आनंद, कुछ और ही था।

बड़ा होने का बड़ा सुरूर था मुझे,
बुनता था ताने-बाने करूंगा क्या,
बड़ा होकर मैं,
जैसे-जैसे बड़ा हुआ, कोशिश करता हूँ,
दूसरों का मन पढ़ने की, बातें गढ़ने की,
दूसरों को अपनी तस्वीर में उतारकर
लगता है, मैं बड़ा हो गया हूँ।


वही कहता हूँ, जिससे स्व सधे,
दूर की कौड़ी देखकर ही बोलता हूँ,
सामने वाले को हर तरीके से तौलता हूँ,
जो भी बोलता हूँ, फिर सलीके से बोलता हूँ,
फ़क्र होता है अपने आप पर, कि
अपने पैरों पर तो खड़ा हो गया हूँ;
अब तो वाकई मैं बड़ा हो गया हूँ।

पर कौड़ियों के खेल में, बात गढ़नें की
रेलम-पेल में, ज़िंदगी बेमैल हो गयी है,
जो देखता हूँ वो होता नहीं है, और जो होता है
वो बचपन वाली सोच के करीब होता है;
सोचता हूँ बार-बार क्या मैं बड़ा हो गया हूँ??????
पर मैं कहाँ बढ़ा, मैं कहाँ बड़ा हो गया हूँ????????
 

Draw a mind map

"Drawing a mind map" is a simple and very effective technique to understand internal emotional make up of any individual. Internal emotional make up can be characterised by positive and negative traits/ values owned by the person. Characteristics such as being observant, confident, honest,
 trustworthiness, cool, concerned, committed, patience, conscience, sensible, empathy, emotional, irritating, egoist, anguish, doubtful, etc. can be easily gauged through the image drawn by a person in a designed setting. The activity can be conducted in groups or individually. I am using this technique since last 11 years as part of my training programme on "stress management". Participants are asked to draw a picture of their own choice in given time. They use crayons, pens, pencils and draw a picture. I analyse the pictures and indicate three strengths and three areas of improvement.
I use following to take a decision on the image drawn;'
1. Subject chosen
2. Proportion and linkages of objects

3. Use of space and page left unused
4. Colours and their integration.
5. Pressure used by the participant to draw the image
6. Relevance to life
7. Creativity and logic used
8. Finishing of the image
9. Detailing of individual objects in image and their inter-relationship
10. Total message conveyed in nutshell


I found the technique quite intresting as it involves serious researching into an image. I could found as many as 80 characteristics in the image. The images shown here have feedback of the participants as well.
This technique can be used to help children in finding behavioural, cognitive and emotional problems. Children tend to lie to hide their problems, but images do tell the exact mental and emotional frame of that child. This technique can also be used to diagnose career orientation of the children.
 

Resilience concept map

Child having troubled childhood

Are you a pushing parent? Do you want your child to be a perfectionist? Today's competition is driving many parent's crazy. They are simply running a blind race against time and going to make their children crippled if are unable to gauge potential of their child. As a parent, think whether you're a prisoner of a troubled childhood? Think again. The emotional pressures not handled properly have emerged into shortcomings which you may be realizing today. Had you experienced ample protection or complete negligence? You need not go through the rest of your life as an emotional cripple. It is possible to bounce back from adversity and go on to live a healthy, fulfilling life. In fact, more people do it than you may think. You need to develop resilience among your children.
Resilience may be an art, the ultimate art of living, and can be developed through proper training. At the heart of resilience is a belief in self—yet also a belief in one's own potential which is larger than oneself. Resilient people do not allow the adversity to define them. They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs. Focusing on past experiences and sources of personal strength can help you learn about what strategies for building resilience might work for you. 

Experts argue among themselves about how much of resilience is genetic. Resilience is certainly not genetically achieved because it is contextual and develops how you deal with the situation. People do seem to differ in their inborn ability to handle life's stresses. But resilience can also be cultivated. It's possible to strengthen your inner self and your belief in yourself, to define yourself as capable and competent. It's possible to fortify your mental and emotional body. It's possible to develop a sense of mastery over the period of time.

And it's definitely necessary to go back and reinterpret past events to find the strengths you have probably had within all along. A child can not do it. You have to observe closely his/her life events and how he/she react to it. Some evidence shows that it's not really until adulthood that people begin to surmount the difficulties of childhood and to rebuild their lives.

Sometimes it is easier to be a victim; talking about how other people make you do what you do removes the obligation to change. Children find it as good refuge because sympathy can feel sweet; talk of resilience can make some feel that no one is really appreciating exactly how much they have suffered. his is the shortcut to refrain from being resilient.

As we saw earlier, resilience is not a genetic trait. It is derived from the ways children learn to think and act when they are faced with obstacles, large and small. The road to resilience comes first and foremost from children’s supportive relationships with parents, teachers, and other caring adults. These relationships become sources of strength when children work through stressful situations and painful emotions. When we help young people cultivate an approach to life that views obstacles as a critical part of success, we help them develop resilience.

 

Five Ways to Cultivate Resilience in the Classroom

1. Promote self-reflection through literary essays or small group discussions.

Short written essays or stories or small group discussion exercises that focus on heroic literary characters is an excellent way, particularly for younger students, to reflect on resilience and the role it plays in life success. After children have read a book or heard a story that features a heroic character, encourage them to reflect by answering the following questions.

·         Who was the hero in this story? Why?

·         What challenge or dilemma did the hero overcome?

·         What personal strengths did the hero possess? What choices did he/she have to make?

·         How did other people support the hero?

·         What did the hero learn?

·         How do we use the same personal strengths when we overcome obstacles in our own lives? Can you share some examples?

2. Encourage reflection through personal essays.

Written exercises that focus on sources of personal strength can help middle and high school students learn resilience-building strategies that work best for them. For example, by exploring answers to the following questions, students can become more aware of their strengths and what they look for in supportive relationships with others.

·         Write about a person who supported you during a particularly stressful or traumatic time. How did they help you overcome this challenge? What did you learn about yourself?

·         Write about a friend you helped support as he/she went through a stressful event. What did you do that most helped your friend? What did you learn about yourself?

·         Write about a time in your life when you had to cope with a difficult situation. What helped and hindered you as you overcame this challenge? What learning did you take away that will help you in the future?

3. Help children (and their parents) learn from student failures.

In her insightful article, Why Parents Need to Let Their Children Fail, (link is external) published in The Atlantic, middle school teacher Jessica Lahey touched on a topic near and dear to every teacher’s heart: How do I teach students to learn and grow through failure and setbacks when their parents are so intent on making them a shining star? The truth is that learning from failure is paramount to becoming a resilient young person. Teachers help when they:

·         Create a classroom culture where failure, setbacks, and disappointment are an expected and honored part of learning.

·         Establish and reinforce an atmosphere where students are praised for their hard work, perseverance, and grit — not just grades and easy successes. 

·         Hold students accountable for producing their own work, efforts from which they feel ownership and internal reward.

·         Educate and assure parents that supporting kids through failure builds resilience—one of the best developmental outcomes they can give their children.

4. Bring discussions about human resilience into the classroom.

Opportunities abound to connect resilience with personal success, achievement, and positive social change. Expand discussions about political leaders, scientists, literary figures, innovators, and inventors beyond what they accomplished to the personal strengths they possessed and the hardships they endured and overcame to reach their goals. Help students learn to see themselves and their own strengths through these success stories.

5. Build supportive relationships with students.

Good student-teacher relationships are those where students feel seen, felt, and understood by teachers. This happens when teachers are attuned to students, when they notice children’s needs for academic and emotional support. These kinds of relationships strengthen resilience. When adults reflect back on teachers who changed their lives, they remember and cherish the teachers who encouraged and supported them through difficult times. Do you have a teacher who played this role in your own life? What do you remember about them?

Acknowledgement: Marilyn Price-Mitchell, Ph.D